The Bear Bitch’s Project

. . . and me!

I’ve been quite a grumpy bear lately. I was depressed, then I was angry, then I was frustrated, then I was murderous, then the cycle repeated again; sometimes within the same hour. One minute I was a sniffle away from bawling my eyes out, next thing you know I’m more than willing to do jail time just for the satisfaction of murdering someone. You could practcally see the raincloud over my head and you sure as hell could hear the thunder and feel the static of the lightning.

Then yesterday, purely by chance, I came across the story of Marlie Casseus  and I remembered that though I may be at a bit of a low point in my life, I am still extremely, extremely blessed. I’m relatively healthy, I’ve got an amazing family (albeit far away), I’ve got a comfortable life - I have absolutely no reason to complain. There are billions of people who are sick and starving and dying: my grievances can’t compare.
  Marlie Casseus before her operation The famine in Africa 

Of course, knowing that I shouldn’t feel a certain way doesn’t make it any less painful or less real, nor does it necessarily make the feeling go away. Yes, I do have my bipolar tendencies but I’m not that far gone. I can’t just flip a switch and suddenly be sincerely chipper and cheery. Its the old logic versus emotions grid-lock. I know I shouldn’t be upset but no amount of rationalization can completely erase a feeling. I know my problems are miniscule but the resulting emotions are very real to me. I guess its like comparing a paper-cut to other people’ stabs to the chest. The paper-cut is extremely painful and may even draw blood but it is not even remotely fatal. What I can do is lessen the intensity of these feelings. Whenever I feel angry at the situation I’m in I just think of Marlie and of the hand she was delt in life and how she still managed to not only be strong and rise above it but ultimately, to hold her head up high and stand proud. I tell myself that if she can suvive a 21 lbs tumor on her face, I can definitely survive my comparatively petty woes.
Untimately, I remind myself to think of the bigger picture of life.
My mom always says "count your blessings"; I take it one step further and say "When you’re depressed, remember you are blessed."

Dear Santa,

I’ve been remarkably good this year. I only broke 2 hearts, made 5 people cry (okay, 7 if you include the 2 broken hearts), and plotted the torture & murder of 11 people. It may sound like a lot, but considering my track record, that’s quite an improvement! And besides, those murders never pushed through. That should count for something, right?

Keeping that in mind, I would like the following things for Christmas:

A Sushi Clock

I LOVE sushi and ever since I saw the sushi clock at the sushi bar of Sugi (then at Greenbelt 1) when I was a little girl, I’ve wanted one.

  A Shakespeare Action Figure

Because The Bard rocks and ever Lit major should have a Shakespeare action figure on his/her desk.

Plus I need it more than others because I work in the accounting department and seeing numbers all day, everyday, can drive a word loving person like me insane. I need ol’ Will to keep me from losing touch with my "inner poet". (hee hee)

A copy of Scary Miss Mary

Isn’t she the cutest? I’ve been scouring the internet for a copy of Scary Miss Mary: Fun with Knives, volume 1 but I simply cannot find a copy. Santa, you’re my only hope.

A Volvo, Jaguar, Lexus, Benz, Prius or any car with Intuitive Parking Assist

I’m pretty lousy at parking so these new cars with fancy, hands-free, automatic parallel parking gizmos sound like a godsend.

Black, please. I’d really like a sedan though SUVs are alright too and if they come in Hybrid, I’d prefer that as well. Oh, and I’d prefer the Volvo over all. Did you get all that? Black Hybrid Volvo Sedan with Intuitive Parking Assist. Write it down.

A Transporter

So I can go home to Makati anytime I want and not miss a day of work.

And while I’m at it, I can travel the world too. I can go back to my favorite countries like Italy, Sweden, Denmark, and Vietnam, and I can finally visit the countries I’ve been wanting to go to like Ireland, Great Britain, and Egypt. That would be so cool!

A Slyvanian Families House (with the complete furnishings and accessories, of course)

Why?

Why not?